In full pursuit of knowledge

When I first started my yoga studio and wellness/life coaching business, I was very much alone. I did not know to hire a coach to help me jump over the initial hurdles (and I would not have been able to afford one) and so for two years I did everything myself.

I built my first websites from scratch, with html coding and everything.

Nine people came to the first event I hosted: my mom, dad, husband, co-host and her husband, and our three vendors. One person just wandered in to see what was going on and stayed.

I spent hours moving forward in my business, only to find out at the end of the day that everything I did was a mista—I mean, a learning experience.

And then I hired a coach, and another coach and another coach. I had a mentor for the year I was studying to become a life coach. And another mentor as I went through two years of yoga teacher training.

One day I realized I was hopping from guru to guru to guru hoping someone would give me the answer, show me the way, give me the formula to be successful… instead of listening to my intuition. So I did that. I took time to integrate, to practice, to blend their practices with my intuition and knowledge and instinct.

After a few key conversations, I decided to close my yoga studio in Menominee, Michigan so that I could relocate. And I started researching my peers and my mentors, the ones who are doing what I love doing: teaching. And I realized they all have something in common: a Master’s degree or Ph.D.

So, after careful consideration, I am diving headfirst into pursuing higher education. Also, I’ll be over here at, join me!


Rumbling with emotions

Do you ever experience facedown in the battlefield moments? I had one such moment on Sunday evening…
I love fire. Making bonfires, poking at fires, adding wood to fires, sitting around the fire, staring at the fire. You name it. I love fire.
I have a wonderful group of friends. Regularly one of us is telling the rest of the group how much we appreciate each other. We have love for each other.
On Sunday evening we invited our friends over for a fire to commemorate the completion of our new patio. (I posted before and after photos on my Facebook page!)
However, we also love to tease each other about our oddities. Like my love of fire. On Sunday, the teasing was fine …until it wasn’t. And when it wasn’t fine, I went “there.”
“My friends don’t trust me. My friends think I’m out of control. They are scared of me. I don’t listen to other people. I am so ashamed.” I left the fire and ended the evening in tears. My friends disbanded and went to their homes, not really knowing what was wrong.
The incident would have blown over and we would have been back to being friends, no problem. However, I didn’t want to hide my feelings and pretend so I sent them a text: “Hey guys. I felt hurt tonight because it seemed like people were making fun of me and not trusting my judgement. So I left, which didn’t fix things. Kind of left you guys by yourself.”
I was scared to be that open, that vulnerable. I don’t like admitting that I have feelings that can get hurt. Also, I didn’t want to be the girl everyone has to walk on eggshells around for fear of hurting her feelings.
However, the results I received were reaffirming:
“Sorry you felt that way!! Wasn’t the intent at all!! I’ve felt like that before as well but know that you guys love me so it’s all in good fun. Thank you for sharing how you feel.”
“Oh man. Yea sorry that was not the intent…” and “No worries Beck, we love you and we never intended to make you feel bad.” And when I saw them in person, they made sure to reach out again and make sure I felt ok and knew that they were on my side.
Teasing can sometimes be taken too far, even in good humor. Being open and vulnerable didn’t change the events on Sunday evening. But it did serve to draw our friendship group closer, rather than creating a riff.

One practice that has helped me work with emotions and the way it affects our lives is using the RAIN technique. This is a practice you can use “in the trenches” of shame, anxiety, stress and even chronic pain and so on.

RAIN practice for the facedown in the battlefield moments from Beckspiration on Vimeo.

I am stubborn (but it doesn’t have to end this way!)

stubborn*sigh* Something you should know about me is that I am stubborn.

Even more so when I [perhaps] stepped on a few toes. It’s not the stepping on toes that makes me extra strong-willed. (For the record I regret the toe-stepping part and I have learned. For the future.) I am extra tenacious and ornery when another person wants the present moment to be different from what it is, because s/he feels “right” or justified.

I guess what I’m saying, is that it’s challenging for me to admit I’m wrong because then I’ll look “weak” or uncertain. Or someone will come along and try to help me in a way that undermines my own authentic power.

True strength is:

• admitting you were/are wrong, and knowing that it doesn’t affect your inner Warrior strength and worthiness

• knowing you don’t have to be everything to everyone, and reveling in the extra energetic freedom

• asking for support when you recognize that you are trying to do everything, even things you suck at (like me trying to do my own taxes)

• being vulnerable and exposing the cracks and imperfections (to people who have earned the right) while holding compassion for yourself

• what else?

a story of a Maple Tree

maple tree

The first house I truly remember living in sat on 10 acres of land north of Minneapolis. There was a small apartment in the basement of our house.

When Danny moved in 1st grade, I challenged him to a race across the field and back. I won. Boys don’t like girls who are better than them.

But I didn’t know that then.

In 2nd grade we played the Kissing Game at recess. The boys chased the girls and then kissed them. I always won because no one caught me.

Or maybe I was losing.

Three things you cannot recover in life: the moment after it’s missed, the word after it’s said, and the time after it’s wasted.

I had a fuzzy bear backpack that could fit 2 books inside. I would pack my bag and climb the great big Maple tree that shaded our house. And I would read for hours and hours and hours.

When I climbed to the very top of the tree, I could see over the brown roof of our house. I could see the long dirt driveway and the highway and even a little bit of the paved roads of the city neighborhood across the highway.

Perched high in the Maple tree, I felt grounded and connected and safe.

In meditation, the first place I begin is grounding. So much of life calls us to be outside our body in mindlessness, anxiety, worrying, striving, trying. And so I imagine my body with roots like that Maple tree.

We have been knocked down in life: yesterday, today, tomorrow.

At last summer’s Own Her Power retreat, a woman shared her story of failure and the gut-wrenching feelings of self-doubt and despair she walked through for 2 years.

We get knocked down – we get laid off, fired off, denied support, yelled at, divorced, remarried, our dreams get crushed, we don’t always get our wishes.

We feel defeat and we go into isolation and we want to stay in a corner and let the world pass us by. We start to feel small and insignificant.

That bears repeating.

We start to feel small and insignificant.

That part is OK. It’s what happens next that breaks my heart: we believe our feelings and we know we are small and insignificant.

This is the greatest lie of all times. When we believe the thought and feeling that “I am insignificant,” we play small and we mistrust other women and we isolate. And we feel relieved because we didn’t try, so we didn’t fail.

Our mind actually causes us to think that we avoided falling in a huge pit by not trying, by isolating, by believing we are small and insignificant.

Love, you are a Maple Tree. You are stronger than your dreams, taller than your obstacles, and deeper than your storms.

Your roots grow deep and connect with the roots of other women, in support, in solidarity, in community.

The year we moved away from my Maple tree, a great storm swept through and tore the tree in half. A lessor tree would have been completely destroyed.

Not this tree. I believe the tree was honoring our time together.

The wind rattles, the thunder claps, we may see other trees fall, we feel fearful and full of self-doubt. And if we succeed where others have failed, we may feel guilty.

I invite you to explore these emotions. This is life. It’s time to #lovethislife.



Last week I had the opportunity to chat with a strong women who, within the last year or so, has had a few bumps in the road. In our conversation, she mentioned her divorce from unhealthy and unsupportive marriage. It was a relief, and yet she has found herself in the same relationship with a friend. So there is a pattern of attraction to heal.

She also lost her job, which felt like a lifted burden, but the stress of being unemployed has landed her in the unhealthy relationship and financial concerns. An obstacle for her to overcome is this mid-life discovery of who she is and what she wants to do in this world.

When she booked her private lesson and filled out my health survey her main health concerns include a tight left hip, back and neck and weakness in her left wrist.

Her stated goal is to learn methods to assist in maintaining her physical and mental health. I’ll be focusing on teaching her tools to create balance and strength and reduce tension in her hips, neck and back and also tools to find answers inside her to answer the question: what is next in life?

If she wants to have more support in the planning of her life, I would refer her to my women’s circles for healing from divorce, building healthy relationship patterns (Barefoot Warrior Sisterhood) and supporting women in heart-centered businesses (Barefoot Warrior Collective).

One of her obstacles in moving forward in achieving her goal was trying to find someone who would listen and work with her, rather than just saying “join this class.”

This photo is my {exact} proposal for supporting my new client.

yoga for career and life satisfaction

Boundaries define who we are and who we are not

boundariesIn retrospect, this past month has been much harder than I expected. I feel that about many things in my life — renovating a foreclosed home by myself, starting a physical yoga studio by myself, trying to fix my marriage by myself, and then getting a divorce by myself.

It feels like so much of my struggles have been because I’ve been, well, by myself. 🙂

A week ago, I finally closed my yoga studio/wellness center and moved my private practice into my home. It’s awesome, and I’m not by myself — I have the sweetest man in my life who is absolutely dedicated to me. I feel like he is my twin, like he was made for me.

Anyway, I digress…

So I closed my yoga studio and immediately tried to jump into my vision for Sacred Women’s Circles (A)healing from divorce, releasing energy of negative relationship patterns, codependency, awakening women, women claiming their own authenticity and power and B) training women coaches/yoga teachers/intuitives/etc. for their transformation and for their clients’ transformation) and I realize it was too much, too soon.

As I explained to a friend yesterday, it is as if my dog died and I tried to replace her with a new puppy too quickly. I’m not sure if that analogy works for you guys, but it worked for me. My vision and my path need time to incubate. Patience.

I am loving this quote: “The first rule of magic is self-containment. You must hold your intention within yourself, stoking it with power. Only then will you be able to manifest what you desire.” [Julia Cameron]

So it is time to stoke my intention. It’s time to play with self-containment. Stoking.


Tonight I went to the 3rd Prescribers Summit. Last year I was one of the speakers on alternative methods for pain management for opioids and substance abuse. This year I got to sit back and relax and get excited about digging deeper into using my practice to help with addiction, pain, and trauma/PTSD as well as the “normal” low back pain and sciatica students.


A few weeks ago I received a call from a man looking for private yoga for his mom. She is in her 70s and is capable of being on her own, but over the years her scoliosis has gotten worse. She leans on her shopping cart more when she shops, a sign that she is quickly becoming more dependent on external support. Today I am meeting her for our first private corrective yoga lesson.

This photo is my {exact} proposal for supporting my new client.

Getting unstuck

imagesLast night I spent a loooong time editing a video to upload to YouTube. I felt doubly frustrated because I knew it would take someone else who already had the skill HALF the amount of time it took me. That’s why we ask for help, right? NOT because we’re weak or insufficient in some way, but because we know someone has a skill set that we can “hire out.” Where do you feel stuck and how are you receiving support to get unstuck?
Photo cred: